This Week Sucked

Completely and totally sucked. Sucked big time.

I had another interview, a couple of second interviews, and a third interview. Still no job. But that’s not the reason this week sucked.

I’m still working on the Picovoli sweater and I’m past the armholes and slogging down through the bustline. Boring, no shaping, just plain old stockinette. Knit after knit after knit. That’s not the reason week sucked, either.

The weather has been weird for Oregon: hot and humid one day, then cool and rainy the next, one night so hot I could hardly sleep, the next week so cold I had to get a blanket out. And that’s still not the reason this week sucked.

I was sick last Sunday and Monday; spent both days in bed, sleeping and sweating. I slept from Saturday night right through to Monday at noon. A crappy summer cold. And that’s not the reason this week sucked.

I unloaded on someone at the office about things she’s really not responsible for; I know none of this horrible mess was brought on by her in any way, but I took it out on her. My pot finally boiled over; and I deeply regret it. Still not the reason this week sucked.

All of us at the office had racked our brains on something to give our boss to her to show how much we love her. She’s moving to Guadalajara, Mexico in two months, so we wanted something visual; something she could look at that would remind her of all of us here, waiting for her to come back. We finally decided on a photograph of the Portland skyline, taken from up at Washington Park, with the Willamette River and Mt. Hood in the background. One of the ladies went downtown and bought a beautifully framed print and we all wrote messages to our boss on the back. For me, it was the second hardest thing I’d ever had to write to her. She and I alone know what the hardest one was. Still not the reason this week sucked.

We had a luncheon with the boss on Thursday; all her employees, her Aunt Betty from San Diego, and her significant other, Michael. We reminisced about good times and bad, we talked about old clients and cases, we laughed at ourselves and each other, we said thanks to each other and to her, and we cried. And cried. And cried. Her significant other, Michael, made a wonderful speech about how much he loves her and wants to spend whatever time they have together doing whatever she wants, wherever she wants, when she wants. None of us have any doubt that he will take excellent care of her. Then we all had a chance to give her hugs and kisses, tell her how much she means to us, and to say goodbye. When she just couldn’t take anymore, Michael and Aunt Betty took her home. The rest of us stayed awhile, trying to compose ourselves, making sure we said to each other all the things we needed to say to make absolutely sure everyone knew how much each one of us means to the others. Lots of hugs, kisses, and tears. Still not the worst thing about this week, or the reason it sucked.

I took the train home and barely made it in the door when I completely fell apart. I finally just couldn’t hold anything in anymore. During the last seven months, I thought that I’d cried all the tears possible about this horrible situation. I was wrong. I sobbed, cried, wailed, and exhausted myself. I cried so hard that my ribs hurt for hours afterward. But that’s not the reason this week sucked, either.

The reason this week sucked is that no matter what happens in the future, no matter how great the job, no matter how big the salary, no matter how generous the perks, no matter how nice my co-workers are, I will never, ever again in my life have what I had there. Ever. And that’s the reason this week sucked.