First, a pirate hat for when he's feeling like a scurvy dog that's just been keel-hauled.
Next, a hat for when he's about as lively as a dead flounder. This isn't actually a flounder, though; it's definitely a hybrid. Guess what it's parents were?
A big-mouth bass and a rainbow trout, of course!
This one's for when the doctors want more tests, and he wants to chicken out.
and easily reverses if things so far enough south that all he's thinking is, "Well, f*** this!"